we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I checked into jail on foursquare
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize