I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
