I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
