it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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