dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
