I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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