i love accidental penises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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