My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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