zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So here I am, sexting at work.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
