It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
