I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
