she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
