i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
