so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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