I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
