Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
