We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
