Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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