Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize