She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
