I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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