dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
