No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
