I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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