i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We have so much sex to catch up on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
