if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
