hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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