apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
