R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
