So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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