Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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