i barfeds in our rink
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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