apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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