we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
