I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
