does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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