just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
