Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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