My girlfriend figured out who you are.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
