summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Found your dick twin last night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
