I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She's JV to your varsity
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
