yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
