we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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