I can text with my tongue
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
