my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
