So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
