grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
