this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize