I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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