Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
