also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
