I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize