i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
