? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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