I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
