I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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