he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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