Only a mothe r could love this liver
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
