His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Come on in and take your pants off
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