let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
