She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
