I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
