That's when you crack a 10am beer
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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