She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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