It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
