I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
