Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize