All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
