My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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