you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize