I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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