and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
