Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
