Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
