Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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