dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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