So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
