Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
