My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
