he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
