I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
