All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize