you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my poor anus
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