i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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