i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize