Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's like heaven, but drunker
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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