This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
