My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
