I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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