Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
