I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
