Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
