i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
